


This Is Not a Blessing

by kijikun



Series: Blessed [2]
Category: Supernatural
Genre: Alternate Universe - Croatoan/Endverse (Supernatural), M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-15
Updated: 2020-11-15
Packaged: 2021-03-09 23:20:44
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,302
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27574396
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kijikun/pseuds/kijikun
Summary: In endverse Dean and Castiel save the same Pagan Goddess from Blessed Be his Child
Relationships: Castiel/Dean Winchester
Series: Blessed [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2014633
Comments: 3
Kudos: 11





	This Is Not a Blessing

**Author's Note:**

> Originally written as an outtake/au from Blessed be His Child back in 2011.

It's quiet in Castiel's head. It's what he strives for. To escape memory, to escape time and reality. Sex helps, the drugs help more. Oh, he loves his brightly colored pills and his rolled leaves that burn and smoke.

He's lying sprawled on his bed, smoking the remains of a joint when the memory hits him and suddenly he can't breathe. He can't...Please...No…

***

_The last demon goes down with more effort than Castiel would like. It is **harder** to do the things he once did with barely a thought. Before he chose Dean. He fears he will soon be useless to Dean._

_Outside the bedroom._

_He is not what he once was. Nor is Dean. Nor is the world._

_It's been a month since Samuel Winchester, abandoned by his brother (though Castiel will never speak this aloud) went to Detroit and said yes to Lucifer. Dean... Dean has not said yes. And Father forgive him, Castiel hopes he never does. Even if it damns the world, damns him. He is no longer strong enough to bear the thought of Michael using his mate as a vessel._

_Dean takes down the last demon with a practiced ease. There is no cocky quip falling from his lips (lips Castiel bloodied the night before), no upward curve of his mouth (a mouth that wrapped around his cock), no spark in his eyes (closed eyes, always closed now, oh how he misses those eyes). But this is still Dean. Still his mate. Still the soul he saved from hell. Such a strong soul._

_Castiel knows Dean loves him. He has faith in this. If nothing else he has faith in Dean. Will always have faith in Dean._

_"Thank you," the pink-haired young woman is gushing as Dean helps her to her feet. "Those horrid brutes. Acting as if the world's already over, as if I won't still protect my worshipers."_

_Dean's eyes widen, and Castiel is at his side. How had he not seen that this was a pagan goddess? "Who are you?" he hisses._

_The goddess rolls her eyes, and laughs. "Oh, don't look so grumpy. Silly hunter." Her eyes turn to Castiel. "Aren't you far from home? No matter." She giggles again._

_Castiel puts his hand over Dean's, knowing without even looking that Dean is thinking of attacking. It would be foolish and Castiel won't risk him. "I suggest you be more careful in these times."_

_"Phst. Your kind is always doom and gloom. Such bores."_

_"What the angel means is, the world is ending and I don't think you'll be able to do shit but keep your head down," Dean drawls. "And don't you dare put Cas in the same category as those assholes."_

_Castiel can't help but brighten at the almost compliment. He hordes the little proofs that he's worth something to Dean. That Dean will cling to him just as hard as Castiel clings to Dean._

_She giggles again and clasps her hands together. "I know, my two brave heroes deserve a reward. I used to do those all the time, and those eyes need to be passed on."_

_"We don't want any rewar--" the words are half out of Dean's mouth when Castiel's arms are suddenly full._

_For a moment Castiel cannot breath. He can barely think. There is a child... a baby... a **fledgling** in his arms. Not a newborn but... he's holding..._

_A mess of dark curls sits on her head and vivid blue eyes peer up at him. She coos at him, then waves her tiny hand towards Dean. Castiel's chest feels too tight, it feels like, it feels like... **Joy**._

_He's holding Dean and his child. Their fledgling. Her tiny newborn grace reaches and curls around the dying embers of his. This is a miracle, a gift._

_Castiel looks up at Dean ready to share this joy with him, this amazing unexpected gift that has the power to bring them both so much hope... and sees a tightly clenched jaw, bitter green eyes. Castiel sees..._

_"Take it back," Dean hisses, snapping his head around towards the goddess. "Take this **thing** back."_

_**No**._

_The goddess looks shocked. "You want me to undo your child?" she sounds as horrified as Castiel feels. He struggles to find his voice._

_"Dean, **no** ," he says roughly._

_Dean won't even look towards him. "Make that thing disappear or I'll make it disappear!"_

_Castiel clutches the fledgling to him, she's started to cry, a plaintive terrified wail. "No, Dean, no. You can't. **Please**."_

_Then, still without even looking at Castiel or the fledgling, Dean pulls out one of his guns and points it towards him. Points it towards the crying fledgling. He curls his body around her, trying to gather enough grace to escape. The pain is worse than being ripped apart by Raphael. Worse than anything._

_Something... something snaps._

_The goddess looks at him with such **pity**._

_Then she's gone._

_Castiel's arms are empty._

_The tiny grace extinguished like it never was. He cannot cry, he cannot scream. Castiel can do nothing but look at Dean. Look at the man he gave up everything for. Lost everything for. The man he killed his brothers for. His friend. His mate._

_Dean's face is hard, unfeeling. "C'mon Cas," he says as if **nothing** had occurred. He slings an arm over Castiel's shoulder and tugs him towards the Impala._

_They go to a bar, and he matches Dean drink for drink. They go back to the motel and they make... they fuck. Dean gives him no tenderness, no kindness, no love. He has none to give._

_Castiel goes out while Dean dozes and finds a bottle of pills and bottle of liquor in the back of the car. Humans take pills to kill pain, they drink to kill pain. So he takes them both._

_They fuck to kill pain. So he fucks Dean awake._

_But he still hurts. So he looks for more pills, more liquor, more sex._

_But he still hurts._

***

Castiel blinks, he's slid halfway off the bed and he's shaking, the room is spinning around him and he tries to not throw up. It's always like that, things he's forgotten, things he should know suddenly creeping up on him like... like they weren't there before. He pulls himself into a sitting position and wraps his arms around his knees until the shaking ebbs. He swallows dryly, he's knocked the entirety of the nightstand onto the floor, bottles are scattered everywhere and brightly colored pills have rolled all over the floor. Like candy... Gabriel... The memory is gone in a moment as he sifts through the comforting shapes until he finds what he's looking for. He's got to forget. He needs to forget this before it worms its way into the center of his chest like everything else.

He freezes like a startled deer when the door slams open and it's almost a shock to see Dean, his eyes are wild and Cas wishes so hard for a moment that he could still read his mind. He wonders if it would make any sense or if it would just be the horrid blur of memories that his was. He thinks he looks terrified, it's just Dean, but he can still hear crying in the back of his mind. That keening noise that's never going to go away, he wonders if Dean hears it too.

"Is this place real?" He whispers and he knows what a stupid question it is as soon as he says it, he knows it makes him sound crazy, drugged out of his mind.

Dean just stares, his jaw clenched, poised for violence and Castiel closes his eyes. Waits for the storm.

It doesn't come.

The front door slams and all Castiel can hear is a baby crying.


End file.
